


Above Suspicion

by Adarian



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-12
Updated: 2014-12-12
Packaged: 2018-03-01 05:00:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2760554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adarian/pseuds/Adarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seemingly Pro-Templar Hawke is not exactly what she appears to be. When Anders discovers this, the two start a secret affair that threatens to led to disastrous consequences. Presented with it's sequel "The Sound of Silence." Kink-meme requests.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Above Suspicion

Anders had sent three notes to the Estate, hoping Hawke would reply to him. He hated turning to her for help. She had made her views clear, again and again. He had seen her turn in his kinsmen to the Templars without even a blink. He had seen her laugh with the Templar cadets, joking about hunting down blood mages like they were vermin. She even flirted with the Guard Captain, causing rumors to circulate about their upcoming engagement. 

But she had left him in peace for all of these years. Even knowing what she did, no Templar came for him in the night. For three years, he waited, but she had simply ignored him, only occasionally appearing for healing followed by a heated argument. 

Yet he needed her. So many of the Underground had been captured. He could not risk another life in order to spy on Ser Alrik and if he was found out, there could be no one to bring the evidence forward. There was no one else he could trust...though trust was perhaps too generous a word here. He hoped. He hoped that everything he had said to her over the years had finally sunk into her thick skull. That maybe, maybe she had finally grown a heart. 

He didn't like going into the Chantry, but it was the only place he was guaranteed to find her. She always went to the early morning worship services, usually visiting the young Brother. Yet another rumored suitor. Anders secretly suspected she was seeking him entirely for a potential royal title. The man was boring as sin to talk to at the best of times, he couldn't see what even she would want with him. 

He entered, the incense floating through the air as the Chant echoed through the halls. He froze, the memory of Karl lingering in the space. He shook the thought from his head, entering into the worship hall.

He saw her on her knees, dressed in her finery, as if she hadn't spent a year as a common thug, as if she was a lady. She sat near the Brother, who kept his head bowed, the Chant obviously on his lips.

He waited until the service was over, watching her smooth her dress as she rose. She let the Brother kiss her palm and she blushed slightly. Anders felt disgusted at the display, rolling his eyes until she glanced his way.

She walked over discreetly as the crowd filtered out, hissing, "Why are you here?"

"I thought you would be pleased to see me in the Chantry," Anders retorted, "Perhaps my heathen soul will be saved after all."

"You shouldn't be here," she whispered, looking ahead.

"I needed to talk to you," he said, "You've been ignoring my letters."

"I have better things to do than to track down elfroot in ditches," she replied harshly, "I'm sure you can get one of your little urchins to do that."

He grabbed her arm, "Listen."

He froze as she turned, an ire in her eyes as she said firmly, "Let go of me."

He did so, a feeling of shame creeping into him.

She said quietly, "I will come to your clinic this afternoon. Now let me spend the rest of my morning in some sort of peace."

He watched her leave the Chantry, feeling the glances of several Templars guarding the door. He kept his head down, his hands trembling as he snuck back to Darktown.

He ate a meager lunch in between patients, trying to rehearse what he wanted to say. He needed exactly the right words. He had been impatient this morning; it wouldn't help him when he tried to convince her. 

He recognized her footsteps and he stood, seeing her walk into the clinic, dressed in her leather armour, her hair braided back. She looked almost like the first time he saw her, when she walked into the clinic so many years ago. 

"What is it, mage?" She asked sternly, "I do not have much time today. I have appointments to keep."

He cleared his throat, "I have a favour to ask you. I know...I know we haven't agreed on pretty much anything in our acquaintance ship, but I am truly desperate."

"You and everyone else in Kirkwall," she sighed, "What do you need?"

"The Mage Underground has heard rumours of a Tranquil Solution," he pleaded, beckoning her to him, "There is a Templar named Ser Alrik. He plans to make every mage in the Circle Tranquil. I know you probably don't care. I know you probably think that's even a good idea. But...but think of Bethany."

Hawke's skin went pale for a second and she hesitated before she replied, "I can't get involved with this."

"You haven't even heard-"

"Anders," Hawke said firmly, "I do not believe the Chantry would do this. If they did, I do not think that it would happen without just cause."

Anders' heart stopped and he whispered, "You can't be serious."

"Did you expect me to suddenly become a pro-Mage terrorist?" She laughed darkly, "It is in Kirkwall's best interest for my sister to be in the Circle. I trust the judgment of the Knight Commander."

"You're letting genocide happen!" He accused, feeling Justice creep behind his eyes, "You're letting innocent people die because of you and your damn Chantry! You won't help me, not even for your sister?"

"I don't think the possessed apostate gets to tell me how to live my life," she said quietly, "You're on your own, Anders."

"You bastard!" He called out at her as she left, "You poor excuse for a woman!" 

He held the doorframe, watching her disappear among the crowd. She did not look back.

He sighed, running his hand through his hair. The meeting was tonight. He had his chance to convince her and he had failed. He had to leave soon, he couldn't keep chasing after her. There were preparations to be made.

oOoOoOo

Anders held out the lantern as he walked through the tunnels, avoiding the lyrium smugglers the best he could. He was an unarmed man wandering through the dark with no coin on him. He did not make the most intriguing target to them.

He blew out the flame as he reached the end of the tunnel, watching the scene ahead play out. He saw the bastard Alrik, his hands on that poor girl, threatening her. Justice pushed through him, screaming, "You shall not touch another mage!"

Anders felt his body move outside of his own will, casting fire down among them, fighting back until the spell hit him and the mana was sucked from him. He fell to the ground, gasping, trying to breathe as Alrik stepped in front of him, pushing his chin up with his boot.

"It seems I have another mage to punish," he smirked, "So who do I have here?"

Anders felt Justice retreat and his heart raced. He had been prepared to meet his death, but now, now in this moment, he was terrified. 

He heard a groan and he looked up, seeing Alrik pinned to the wall, a dagger in his shoulder.

Anders saw her, standing at the edge of the tunnel, snarling as she brandished another dagger.

"Serah Hawke?" One of the Templars asked in surprise, "What are you doing?"

She did not speak, slicing the throat of the man. The second tried to run and she slashed him down. She reached Alrik's side, whispered something in his ear before stabbing him in the heart.

As he fell, she searched his pockets, finding a crumpled note. She looked over at the girl and asked, "Were there any others?"

She shook her head.

Hawke reached into her pockets, "Here's five sovereigns, it's all I've got. Get to the docks and get out of Kirkwall. Do you have any family outside the city?"

"I have an aunt in Antiva."

"Go there and stay out of sight," Hawke instructed, "Say nothing to anyone about this. Do you understand?"

She nodded, chasing off into the tunnels.

Hawke held out the paper to Anders and said, "I hope your evidence was damn worth it."

She walked off, not looking down at him. He trembled, reading the note in his hands. The Solution was...rejected? So there was still some hope, some hope at peace...

He looked up to thank her, but she was gone.

oOoOoOo

"Anders," Bethany smiled, "You shouldn't be here, you're going to be found out one of these times."

"Nonsense," Anders joked, walking beside her in the courtyard, "I highly suspect they're not looking for me in the Gallows."

"You know one day they might be clever and actually look underneath their noses."

"I doubt it," Anders teased.

Bethany smiled kindly, "You usually don't visit so early in the day. Is everything alright?"

"I..." Anders hesitated, "It's stupid, don't worry about it."

"Come on now," Bethany joked, "You are nothing if not a serious man. I'm sure whatever it is, it's important."

"It's about your sister."

She sighed, "Which one of your friends did she arrest this time?"

Anders walked closer to her and whispered, "The Templars had me last night. And she...she was just there. She saved my life and set another mage free. She killed them all, Beth. Then she just left...I don't understand."

Bethany looked away and said, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You do know," Anders pushed, "This woman attends worship every morning, she's courting that insufferable Brother, she threatens to send me to the Gallows practically once a week. What's going on?"

Bethany said quietly, "Maybe my sister is not exactly what she seems."

Anders' face softened and she said quickly, "I have to go." 

"Please," he said, touching her hand, "Just tell me."

Bethany looked over at the Templars and came closer. 

She whispered quickly, "My sister is a kind, gentle woman. My entire life she has given everything for me, again and again. She is the best woman I have ever known. And she respects you. Maybe more than anyone else in this world. Maybe it's a good thing you finally know that."

"Not so close," a Templar barked, stepping between them.

"I better go," Bethany said quickly, "Think about it, Anders, really think about it."

Anders stood, confused, as the mages were brought back inside the prison. He pulled his coat closer around him and left.

oOoOoOoOo

Anders paced outside the door, running his hands through his hair. He hesitated and finally knocked.

Bodahn answered the door, asking in surprise, "Mr. Anders? What are you doing here so late at night?"

"Is your Mistress home?" He asked, "I have to talk to her."

"She's just finished her evening bath," Bodahn replied, "I'll see if she's willing to take a visitor. If you'll come in and sit by the fire."

Anders nodded, wiping his boots off before coming into the living room. He patted the mabari's head absentmindedly, sitting down in a chair.

"Anders?"

He turned, seeing Hawke standing on the stairs, a thin robe barely covering her body.

He stumbled over his words, "I need to talk to you."

"So Bodahn said," she mocked lightly, "About anything in particular? Especially in the middle of the night?"

"Hawke..." he murmured, "I..."

She adjusted her robe as she made her way to the bottom of the stairs and said, "Listen, I have a long day tomorrow, so if there's nothing you actually need to say to me, then you better-"

He gingerly put his hand on her cheek and she froze.

"I know," he said quietly.

"I don't know what you're-"

"I know," he whispered, trembling, "I know about everything."

For the first time, he saw her face softened, a sadness come into her eyes. 

"Why couldn't you tell me?" He asked gently.

"And put you in danger too?" She laughed weakly.

"Why would you worry about me?" He demanded, "Why did you save me last night?"

"I guess you don't know everything, do you?" She whispered.

His heart pounded in his chest and he kissed her. She groaned lightly, pulling her arms around him, her body curling into his.

"This is a mistake," she murmured, "This could never work-you know that, you know that-"

He kissed her again, pulling her legs around his waist. He carried her up the stairs, kissing her deeper as he fumbled his way into her bedroom. She managed to close the door behind them as she returned to her feet. 

"You called me a poor excuse for a woman," she reminded between kisses, "And many more foul things. You'll so easily go to bed with me now?"

"For years," he groaned, "I have ached for you. I have lusted for you with every fibre of my being. And I hated myself for it. I hated that I could want you so badly when you disgusted me so."

"Do I disgust you now?" She asked, letting her robe slip to her feet.

He involuntarily groaned, seeing her dark naked body standing before him. He kissed her, grabbing the back of her head. She moaned happily, letting him push her face first onto the bed, his hand grabbing her ass as he pulled down his pants. She flipped around, lying back on the bed as he knelt in front of her, his mouth on her sex.

He moaned, tasting her sweetness, burying his tongue inside of her, his cock growing hard and throbbing. 

She called his name as she shook, a litany on her lips that rocked him to his core. He kissed her sex one last time, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand before kneeling above her on the bed.

Seeing her lying in the sheets, her long dark hair billowed out around her, he felt a stirring in his heart, a feeling that he did not want to name. She pulled him to her, kissing him deeply enough that he forgot everything else. 

Their bodies met and he slid inside of her, pulling her to him, cupping the back of her head. He moved inside of her, thrusting with desperation. Her hand moved to her clit, rubbing as she leaned back, exposing her neck to his kisses. 

She climaxed again, holding him to her, her eyes open to meet his gaze. He kissed her lips, resting his forehead against hers. With a gasp, she murmured, "I love you."

He buckled, the intensity of her look undoing him. He laid her down in the bed as he pushed into her, a cry coming from his throat as he thrust wantonly, desperate for her touch as he spurted inside of her, pleasure rocking through his body.

He opened his eyes, seeing her panting beneath him. He kissed her, holding her to him as he withdrew. They laid in each other's arms, smelling of the other, their bodies curved into the other's. 

The feeling resurfaced, the tender aching of his heart not allowing him to keep quiet.

"I love you too," he admitted in surprise.

She kissed him tenderly and he melted into her touch. 

When she pulled away, she whispered, "This can't happen again. You know that. I have to keep you both safe. If they know..."

Anders felt his heart sink in his chest. 

"But..."

"Maker," she whispered, "If it was just me...if it was just me, I would have followed you into the Void itself. But I can't...I can't..."

He held her to his chest, feeling tears fall down his face. 

"I can't watch you do this," he whispered, "I can't let you..."

"No one can find out about this," she murmured, "I won't be able to keep you safe anymore, nor Bethany, I won't be able to help anyone else if they know. I have to keep going. Maybe one day, but now..."

Anders knew there was nothing he could say to convince her. He knew she was right. There was nothing else to be said. 

She sat on the edge of the bed, wrapping her robe around her.

"Please don't tell me to go," he pleaded, touching her hand, "If you do...I will. I'll pretend like this never happened. I'll do whatever you ask of me, my love, but please, please don't tell me to leave."

She looked away from him, wrapping her arms around her chest.

He knelt in front of her, taking his hands in hers.

"You should go," she said hoarsely.

"Okay," he agreed, heartbroken. He dressed quickly, walking out through the back of the Estate. He hesitated on the threshold, hoping beyond hope that she would come after him.

When she did not, he went home.


	2. The Sound Of Silence (Part One)

He had not seen her for nearly six months. He heard stories of her from those in the clinic, rumors of the darling of the Templars, the vigilante of the common folks, keeping them safe from the blood mages and demons.

No offense to him, of course.

Anders worried about her but he did as she asked. He stayed away. 

Until that winter's night. 

It was quiet in the clinic. He was cleaning through the inventory, shuffling to keep warm. He didn't dare start a fire in case of being detected or worse, setting his valuable equipment aflame. He tried to remind himself of the colder nights in Amaranthine, but it did little to warm him.

He heard a knock at the door and he went, confused. Most of his patients simply barged in. He opened the door, looking down to see Bodahn standing before him, wringing his hands.

"Are you alright?" Anders asked.

"Good, you are home," Bodahn said, looking around uncomfortably, "This Darktown is no place for a respectable dwarf. All sorts of shady business happening in corners. I'm glad I didn't bring the boy along. Ah, Mr. Anders, might I borrow you for a moment?"

Anders chuckled tiredly, "Come on in. What seems to be the problem?"

"It's not me, Serah," Bodahn said, rubbing his arms as he came in, "It's my mistress."

Anders' heart skipped a beat, "Is she alright? Is she ill?"

"She's had some misfortune in the family," Bodahn said sadly, "Mistress Leandra has...has passed away, quite unexpectedly. She's taking it quite poorly."

Anders hesitated and said, "Perhaps you should go to the Chantry. I'm sure she would find solace in the Maker at this time. Brother Sebastian would be better suited in this time."

"Mr. Anders, begging your pardon," Bodahn whispered, "I know you and my Mistress are...involved. She misses you greatly. I know it would mean the world to her if you came to see her. If you come tonight, I will keep the back light on. Please, Serah. I worry about her so."

Anders said nothing as he left, fearfully looking around the street. He ran his hand through his hair, the memory of her touch still fresh. 

He wrapped himself in his coat and went after him.

oOoOoOo

Anders felt foolish as he climbed the steps to her room. He knew he hadn't been seen; there was nothing to fear. Yet he still feared she would cast him from her sight, even now.

Perhaps especially now. 

He saw her from the door, her head in her hands as she sat at the edge of the bed. She had never looked so small to him.

She looked up, as if sensing him. He froze, not knowing what to do. She stood, walking to his side before falling into his arms. He held her, holding the back of her head as she started to sob.

"It's okay, love," he murmured, "It's okay."

She kissed him hard, pulling him to her in desperation.

With tears in her eyes she whispered, "I need you. Maker, Anders, I missed you so much. I can't stop thinking about you...about this..."

Anders kissed her, sloppily pulling at her clothes as they came together. He was barely half undressed before they reached the floor, sliding inside of her with need. He paused, saw her nod, and pushed, holding her to him. He thrust deeply, need and desire overriding anything else but the necessity to please her. 

She pulled off his shirt as she pushed up, rocking on top of him. He cradled her, letting her ride him, his mouth kissing each breast, his hands on her ass. 

"I love you," he whispered between kisses, "I love you so much."

She moaned, panting as she worked, her body quivering around him. He found himself jutting forward suddenly, his orgasm taking over. She touched herself as he thrust, spurting inside of her. He stayed inside of her, holding her, kissing and suckling her breasts until she came, crying out. 

He cradled her head, kissing her deeply. He held her in front of the fire, pulling the blanket off the bed and wrapping it around them.

"I want you to stay tonight," she whispered.

He rested his forehead against hers and asked, "Are you sure?"

"I've missed you so much," she murmured, kissing his nose.

"Things haven't changed," he reminded gently.

"We'll be careful," she promised, "But I can't stay away from you. I need you."

He cupped her chin, pulling her towards him in a kiss.

Before their lips met, he whispered, "Okay."

oOoOoOo

Anders woke to the sounds of the birds singing. He smiled, hearing the first sounds of spring. It was not quite what he was used to waking up in Darktown. Instead of the sounds of the children chasing each other with sticks and drug dealers pedaling their wares, he heard nature slowly waken from the winter.

And the soft breathing of the woman he loved.

He smiled as he looked over Hawke, curled in the blankets, a concentrated look on her face, even in dreams. He knew that he should leave, if it was dawn already, then it would be more dangerous sneaking home. 

But he always had trouble leaving her. It grew harder and harder, returning to his cold clinic, knowing it may be days even weeks before he saw her again. It was nearly a month this time and he had yearned for her every day. He had needed no encouragement to fall into bed with her when she called for him. 

She stirred, looking over at him with a tired smile.

"Hi you," she murmured, then noticed the window.

"Shit," she cursed, "You got to get out of here."

"You throw me out of here much more and I'm going to start taking it personally," he teased.

"Knight Captain Cullen is coming over today," she hissed, "You need to get out of here."

Anders paled slightly, "Why here?"

"It doesn't matter," she whispered, "You can't be here."  
They turned, hearing the knock on the door.

"Mistress Hawke? The Knight Captain is here to see you."

"Shit shit shit," Hawke muttered.

"I'll hide in library," Anders said, "There's not a lot of windows in there. I'll sneak out the back once he's settled."

"What if someone sees you?"

"I'm sure the gossips will be more interested in who came in your front door," he reminded.

"Go," she said, "I need to get dressed. Quickly."

Anders snuck down the stairs and into the library, locking the door behind him. He leaned against the door, hearing as Bodahn let the Commander in. Anders kneeled down, looking through the keyhole at the man awkwardly waiting in his civilian clothing.

He heard Hawke first, the laugh she reserved only for those she was trying to impress. He saw her in a modest blue dress, her hair pinned back. 

"You look well, Serah," Cullen said cheerfully, "Your manservant told me you were rather ill these past few days."

"I'm much better now, thank you," Hawke beamed at him, offering her arm, "Shall we go? I have missed our morning strolls together."

Cullen blushed, "I am only escorting a lady to the Chantry. It is my duty."

"Oh but your company is such a delight," she flirted, kissing him on the cheek. 

He blushed deeper, smiling as he escorted her out of the room.

Anders leaned against the door. He knew better than to be jealous. What was a kiss on the cheek compared to everything that they had felt together, everything they shared. She was doing what was best. The Knight Captain was not a bad man and he treated her kindly.

But he still couldn't shake the feeling that there was more that she wasn't telling him.

oOoOoOo

It was not often he visited consecutive nights, but his imagination was getting the better of him. He snuck in through the kitchen, stealthily as he could. He could hear her upstairs, talking with the mabari. 

He chuckled to himself at the thought until he heard her voice through the floor.

"Puppy, don't look at me like that. You think I like this? Come on now. We're supposed to be on the same team, you and I."

The mabari barked, leaving the room to greet Anders. He patted the dog, seeing Hawke reach the top of the stairs. 

"What are you doing here?" She asked in surprise.

"I think we need to talk," he said quietly.

She hesitated and beckoned him to follow her upstairs, closing the curtains on the windows ahead of her.

He met her in the bedroom as she lit a few candles, illuminating the room. She sat on the edge of the bed, looking at him in shame.

"What's going on?" He asked fearfully.

"I wanted to tell you before," she whispered, "I don't want to keep any secrets from you. Not now, not ever. But I couldn't see you. There was so much attention on me. You don't understand."

He sat beside her and said, "Just tell me, love."

Hawke looked away from him and said, "I slept with him. About three days ago. I have to keep this up for at least a little while longer, but ideally, I have to keep going with this now."

"Why?" Anders asked accusingly, "Why? Was it not enough to flirt and tease? You had to go and...and...why him? You could have chosen anyone to divert attention, but why him?"

"Because he looked the most like you," she said softly.

He frowned, "I don't understand."

She looked back at him, an odd smile on her face as she said, "It's okay, Anders. We're going to be okay. I...Maker, I wish I could have talked to you, but there were always eyes on me. I just-I just couldn't tell you-I couldn't risk them finding you."

Anders froze, the truth dawning on him slowly.

"My God," he whispered, tears rolling down his face, "You're pregnant."

She bit her lip, nodding.

He kissed her, holding her to him.

"I'm so sorry," he murmured, "They always told me it was impossible. If I had thought there was even a chance, then I would have...baby, baby, you don't have to do this, there are things you can do..."

"I thought of that," she admitted, "But I...I don't want to. I want this. I want this so badly. But I can't be that selfish. I needed to protect you and to protect this little life. Cullen is not a bad man. It won't look good that I got pregnant out of wedlock, but he is influential. People will be understanding, maybe even a little pleased. I just...I don't know what else to do, Anders...it's done. I should have talked to you, but I was just so afraid..."

"I can't take care of you," he admitted, "Oh love...I wish I could twirl you around the room and kiss your belly and...I wish I could marry you. Big round pregnant you with everyone we know and everyone would be so happy for us. I wish...oh Maker, this is all my fault."

"It's just something that happened," she said gently, "This is no one's fault."

He sighed, "So what happens now?"

She did not reply.

"You've decided then?" He laughed darkly, "You get the baby and have your nice little fantasy life and its over between the two of us? Just a nice little roll in the hay before you settle down with Ser Templar. You're carrying a mage's child, an apostate's child, and you're going to marry him? What happens when they have magic, what will you do then, will you still feign innocence then? Will you turn your child into the circle yourself?"

He flinched as she slapped him across the face, his skin burning at the touch.

"Get out of my home," she demanded, "I don't want to see you. Get out."

He obeyed, walking out into the night. He had made it only a few steps before he was overwhelmed with regret. He turned to go back, but stopped. There was nothing he could say to change the situation. Perhaps it was easier for them both if she actually hated him. Then she wouldn't have to pretend anymore.

oOoOoOo

He could not help himself. He found himself lurking in the upper levels of the Chantry, watching as Hawke shared her news with her new paramour. The Templar looked like he would faint, but he dropped to his knee there and then, proposing with only his words and an eager smile. She looked happy, but he knew she was a good liar. 

He left before he could see anymore that followed, promising himself to leave her alone for good this time. She had someone else to protect her. 

Over the next few weeks, he heard stories. The noble woman marrying the handsome young Knight Captain. It was to be a great social event, the Knight Commander herself proclaiming her support for the young couple. Of course, it was rumored that she was pregnant. Why else would such a wealthy woman marry outside the nobility? And so quickly to boot?

Anders received these rumors with a half-hearted smile, focusing on his patients' injuries and trying not to think of her. 

oOoOoOo

He woke with a knee to his stomach. He fell over, Justice lurking in his frame as he stood, his body brewing with power. Another blow to his jaw sent him across the room as he was bound, his mana sucked from him. He found himself gagged and dragged from the clinic, trying to fight back as he was pushed down the steps to his clinic.

He looked up, seeing the face of the Templars, and his heart raced. Before the last blow to his head, he thought of Hawke, and prayed she was safe.


	3. The Sound of Silence (Parts Two and Three)

**Part Two**

Hawke already felt uncomfortable as her body began to change. The engagement was proceeding quickly, but not quickly enough to cover up for her growing bump. She covered the best she could in the early summer morning, avoiding glances as she made her way into the Knight Commander's office.

Meredith glanced up at her with an affectionate smile, "Serah Hawke. You look practically radiant this morning. Thank you for coming all this way to see me."

"It is a pleasure, Excellency," she said with a practiced smile, "Your messenger was not clear as to what I owe the attention of such an important person."

"I wanted to discuss your upcoming wedding," Meredith smiled, "Knight Captain Cullen is an important member of my command. His continued duty is important to me. Please, sit, Serah. I am sure you're tired already carrying such a precious load."

Hawke's heart flipped as she sat and Meredith chuckled, "It is alright, Hawke. Young people in love sometimes have indiscretions, yes? It is not for us to judge. You are having a child. It is good to start a family, even in such dire times as these. The Knight Captain has been overjoyed, I must tell you. I think it has only motivated him further to protect this city. He will be an excellent father."

Hawke smiled, guilt cutting into her heart, "I believe so, Excellency."

"Not so formal," Meredith quipped, "You will be the wife of one of my most important soldiers. I would like for us to be friends. Perhaps the little one you carry will even join the Templar ranks one day."

"Perhaps," Hawke choked. 

"Now, the wedding is only a few days away. Grand Cleric Elthina assures me it will be a most beautiful ceremony. Half the nobility will be there. It will be good for the city to see the heads of Kirkwall support the Templars so well. This city needs leaders, Hawke. I see your influence only growing. I think your wedding will be important for us both. As a gesture of good faith on behalf of myself and the Templars, I have informed Cullen that he will have two weeks leave for a proper honeymoon. As well, I have granted your sister a brief time from the Circle. She will attend the wedding and perhaps the reception afterwards."

Hawke replied, "Thank you. That is more than generous."

Meredith stood and said, "I have had my doubts about your sincerity in the past, Hawke. I understand why you kept your sister secret. We do what we can for our family. But now you are marrying into mine. I hope you and I can build a relationship of trust and honesty. I hope you feel the same."

Hawke spoke automatically as she stood, bowing, "Of course. Thank you again."

Meredith called out to her as she attempted to leave, "I know you allow...certain discretions for your sister. About the apostate who comes to visit her."

Hawke's heart stopped as she turned and said, "I'm not sure what you mean."

"The mage," Meredith said, closing the door and standing before it, "We have been searching for him for some time now. It seems that there has been difficulty in locating him. The people are fond of him, I can understand. He is quite charming, I am told. I could understand even why someone so loyal to the Templars might turn a blind eye to him, particularly if their sister was so fond of them."

"Bethany has told me nothing of him," Hawke lied, meeting her gaze, "My duty is to the Chantry and the city of Kirkwall. I was wrong to hide my sister. I would not hide another apostate, not even a friend of hers."

"If she speaks to you of him or if you know any information, you would tell me?" Meredith tested.

Hawke nodded and said quietly, "I am afraid I have things to do today to prepare for the wedding. If you would excuse me, your Excellency."

Meredith nodded, opening the door for her. 

Hawke walked out as calmly as she could, smiling as she passed some of the younger recruits. She kept the same stance, the same pace, until she was out of sight. 

oOoOoOo

Hawke couldn't sleep the night before the wedding, tossing and turning as she tried not to think about what was about to happen. There was no going back, no changing her mind. This was her last chance to run and she found herself paralyzed. He was not a bad man, she told herself, he had been kind and gentle, even assuming she had been a virgin their first night together. He thought himself in love with this ideal woman she had been pretending to be. 

It was hard to know what was real, she had been pretending for so long. Perhaps she could convince herself too. Perhaps she could be happy.

No. Happy would be Anders with her, their child growing strong and free, regardless of the magic in their blood. Bethany would be safe. Happy would be her little family together with no Templars to keep them apart ever again.

But this was survival. It would keep the two people she had left safe. That would have to be enough.

She realized it was morning when Bodahn knocked on the door quietly, calling, "Mistress, there's someone here to see you."

She wrapped herself in her robe, yawning as she made her way down the stairs. She stopped, grinning as she saw her sister standing in the doorway. She ran, hugging her close.

"Maker, you're here!" Hawke whispered, kissing her cheeks.

"Knight Captain Cullen promised them I would be alright being unsupervised for a few hours," she said, "Though there are like five Templars outside the house. I'd like to think he's just being protective of his bride."

"How are you, Beth?" Hawke asked, stroking her sister's hair, "You would tell me if they're mistreating you?"

She laughed, "I'm fine, sister. No one would ever touch me, being Serah Hawke's sister and now the Knight Captain's sister in law. I mean, some of the mages hate me, but I'm sure that's just my personality."

Hawke scoffed, "You're a delight. They're just being mean spirited. Have you eaten yet? I'll get Bodahn to make us breakfast."

Bethany followed her into the dining room, glancing over her sister's body.

"Is it true then?" Bethany asked, "Are you expecting?"

Hawke closed her robe a bit more tightly, "Am I showing already? Maker, if Mother could see me be a pregnant whale on my wedding day."

"No, you hardly look it. You just have a lovely glow and perhaps a slightly firmer belly. You look nice. You even have breasts now."

Hawke rolled her eyes, pouring a glass of juice for herself.

"Sister...are you happy?" Bethany asked.

Hawke sat, sipping her juice, "Of course, dear. I'm getting married today, I'm going to be a mother soon. Everything is going...just swimmingly."

"You know you don't have to marry him just because he got you pregnant."

Hawke laughed, "It would have happened either way, it just sped things up a little."

"Do you love him?" She asked.

Hawke smiled wearily, "Of course. I wouldn't marry for any reason other than love."

"Don't lie to me," Bethany said, sitting beside her, "For once, just be honest. I'm your sister. I love you more than anyone in this world. For once, just tell me how you're feeling, not what I want to hear, what you actually feel."

Hawke felt a tear come down her face and she wiped it away, "Forgive me, I didn't sleep well last night. I'm just too excited. I'm so happy you're here. You don't have to worry about me, Beth. Things are just wonderful."

Bethany started to protest but Bodahn cut her off as he entered with their breakfast.

"Come on now," Hawke said, "Let's get a good meal in us and we'll start getting ready. I think I have a dress upstairs that will fit you perfectly for a bridesmaid's gown."

oOoOoOo

"Cullen, you're not supposed to be here. It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding day."

"I know, I just want to make sure she's safe. She's okay?"

Bethany laughed, "She's perfectly fine. What's all this about?"

Hawke stood at the bedroom door, listening. She could see Cullen dressed in his finest uniform, his rank embroidered on his sleeve. Bethany was dressed in soft blue, a flower in her hair, smiling as she talked to the man. 

"We had a raid on some apostates in Darktown. One of them matches the description of a man we've seen lurking around this place at night. I just...I just worry about her. One of these fiends might seek revenge some day, I have to keep her safe."

"You're a good future husband," Bethany said, and said quieter, "And a good father. She's fine. She's just upstairs getting ready. Now go. Before she sees you."

Hawke retreated into the bedroom, catching her breath as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. A long white gown, modest, her veil long, delicate. She looked exactly as her mother envisioned, exactly what a good noble woman should look like on her wedding day.

She fell to her knees, holding onto the mirror as she tried to breathe deeply. There was no way of knowing. Anders might be safe, he might have gotten away. She had been having difficulty getting payment to the bands of gangs running through Darktown. Perhaps the Templars paid them more.

Or Meredith knew. 

She started hyperventilating, her chest going red as she tried to regain control of herself. She didn't hear Bethany come in or notice her until she had her hand on her shoulder. Hawke jumped, startled and Bethany helped her to her feet.

"Are you okay?" Bethany asked, "It's okay, he didn't see you. He was just checking in. He's so nervous, it's almost sweet. Oh dear, you must be so anxious. Let's get you some water."

Hawke nodded, walking with her sister down the stairs. She froze, sudden terror growing in her heart. 

She turned to Bethany, "I need to get into the Gallows."

"Right now?" Bethany asked.

"I think Meredith has Anders," Hawke said in a rush, "I think she had him days ago. I'm such an idiot. She was testing me, she was seeing if I knew she had him. Bethany, I need to know he's safe."

Bethany's face fell and she whispered, "You love him."

"Stay here," Hawke demanded, "I'll meet you at the Chantry. I need to get changed. Take this monstrosity of a dress with you. Say I had a last minute errand to run. I forgot to pick up Gamlen or something, I don't care."

"Wait, you're still going through with this?" Bethany asked, chasing her up the stairs, "You love him and you're marrying someone else?" 

"Nothing's changed," Hawke said quietly, "I need to go through with this...but if Meredith knows, I need to talk to her, I need to fix this before it falls apart. Just meet me there. I won't be long."

"Be careful," Bethany said, hugging her briefly. 

oOoOoOo

"Serah Hawke?" Meredith asked, rising from her desk, "I would have thought you had other errands to run than visit me. You should be at the Chantry by now. Come, we'll leave together in my carriage and you'll still be there early enough to get dressed properly."

"Where is he?" Hawke demanded.

Meredith smiled cruelly, "So you didn't know. I would have expected you to keep better tabs on your lover. Come now. Did it really take you four days to realize where he was? Did one of your little birds come and tell you or did you think about it long and hard?"

"How long have you known?" Hawke said fearfully. 

"A while now," Meredith replied, circling her, "I am not a fool, Hawke. Someone has been paying for mages to leave town. Someone killed Ser Alrik. Someone with a blade. Yet I couldn't find this person, try as I could. All pointed to someone untouchable, someone with a great deal of power. One of my men saw the apostate, the one not even the lowlifes of Darktown would give up, the one who every little simpleton seemed to love. One of the last members of the Mage Underground. They saw him enter your house. I thought it was a fluke at first, but my sources saw him a few times. It started to fall together for me. A rich woman, one with the people's respect, one who seemed flawless in the eyes of the Templars, but one with a hidden connection to the mages. Perhaps one who was in love with one of them, one who might do absolutely anything to keep him safe." 

"What do you want from me?" Hawke whispered in defeat. 

"I want this marriage to go through, Hawke," Meredith said firmly, "Revealing this charade will undermine trust in the Templars and in the nobility. It is best for everyone in this city if this continues. However, we are playing this game with my rules from now on. Is that clear?"

"What rules are those?" Hawked asked.

"You will marry the Knight-Captain today and have this child you claim to be his. Perhaps it is. But I think it likely to be the apostate's. If the child is a mage, they will be taken to be raised in the circle, perhaps by your sister. You will have another child, one of his, and as many more as it takes until I am convinced you are being a satisfactory wife to him. You will continue your support of the Templars and work with us to reveal any other apostates you know of in the city. Then you shall devote yourself to being a proper noble woman."

"And Anders?"

"If you do all that I ask, I will allow him to live," she replied, "In the Circle, under the guard of your husband. If he resists, I will have him executed. If you do not do as I ask, I will make him Tranquil."

"You bastard," Hawke hissed.

"We could have been allies, Hawke," Meredith said, "You could have worked with me from the start. I do not enjoy blackmailing such a capable woman. But I need your presence now. I will not have a martyr. Do you understand?"

"Let me see him," Hawke said, "I need to know that he's alive first."

Meredith chuckled, "Seems bad luck to see the father of your bastard on your wedding day, but we have time for a quick visit. Then, we must leave. It would not be good to keep your guests waiting for long."

Hawke stood as Meredith called for an escort, pulling her by the arm until they entered the bottom of the Gallows, the mages laughing at her as she passed.

"Look, it's the whore of Kirkwall!" One jeered, "I bet she doesn't even know which one is the father and they pulled straws!"

Hawke kept looking forward, Meredith hitting the bars of any who spoke. They reached the end of the block and Meredith gestured to the dirty, scrawny figure in the back.

Anders looked up blearily. Hawke tried to step towards him, but Meredith held her back.

"You don't want to get too filthy before we make it to the Chantry," Meredith mocked, "You can see him just fine from here."

Hawke held back her tears as Anders stood weakly, resting on the bars of the cell to look at her.

"I'm okay," he promised, "You need to get out of here."

"How wise," Meredith sneered, "Come now. He's alive. The bargain is still on."

"Wait," Hawke pleaded as the Templar started to drag her away, "Please. Anders! Anders!"

oOoOoOo

Hawke waited in the antechamber, trying to catch her breath as she finished adjusting her veil. Just a few more minutes. Just a few more minutes and she could rest easy. It would be over soon. Everything would be secure.

She heard a knock on the door and she turned, expecting for Bethany to lead her out. Her eyes widened as she saw Cullen standing there. She moved to speak and he covered her mouth, closing the door behind him.

"Tell me one thing," he whispered, "Truthfully. Please. Is the child mine?"

Hawke looked into his eyes and in shame shook her head.

"Do you love me?"

Tears ran down her face as she shook her head.

He let go of her mouth and he bowed his head.

"Listen to me carefully," he said gently, "I will go along with this if you want to. But...I do not want to marry an unwilling woman. Bethany...she's told me everything. I could throw her back into the Gallows, but I won't. I'm going to help you because I am a fool, a hopeless, hopeless fool...and I believe in love. And I know you must love him. So tell me know. Are you willing to step away from all of this? Are you willing to give it up for him?"

"But Bethany-"

"Will be safe," he assured, "I will not let them touch her as long as I am Knight-Captain. She chose this. She chose you over safety. Honor that choice, Hawke, and make yours."

"Why are you doing this?" She asked.

"Because once I loved a mage," he said quietly, "And they took her from me. So let me help you. Just once, let love win."

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Stay here. You'll know when to run. Just go, don't look back."

He left the room, shutting the door behind him. She heard the sounds of the Chant and she trembled, her hand waiting on the door.

oOoOoOoOo

Bethany arrived thirty minutes later, the music rising. She smiled, handing over a bouquet.

"Are you ready?"

"What's going on?" Hawke whispered.

"Trust me," Bethany said, "Just...I love you, sister."

"I love you too," Hawke replied, "I'm sorry, I haven't-"

"I'm taking care of you," Bethany laughed, "It seems only fair."

The sisters walked out, the congregation rising to meet them. She looked up, seeing Cullen standing at the end, smiling nervously. She took a deep breath, holding onto her sister's arm.

When they reached the altar, Bethany kissed Hawke on the cheek, standing over by her Templar guards. 

She took Cullen's hands before Elthina, looking out into the crowd of strange faces. She tried to smile, looking into his eyes. 

"Beloved children of the Maker," Elthina announced happily, "We are gathered here today to celebrate the love of these two young people. In these dark times, we see the Light of the Maker shining through their love. I am so very happy to join these two in holy matrimony."

A hush went through the crowd as they heard the skirmish outside the door. Meredith stood, nodding to three Templars standing at the back of the chapel. They went out as Elthina tried to continue.

"Beloved, I sanctify this union in the name of the Maker and his blessed bride Andraste. Human love on earth reflects the love the Maker has for Andraste, the most sacred of love."

A shout outside caused a disturbance in the crowd, causing a few to stand to see what was happening outside. Hawke looked anxiously, trying to guess the expression on Cullen's face. 

The doors slammed open and gasps went through the crowd as a bloodied, dirty Anders stepped forth. He walked with his head up, proud, as he made his way to her. Meredith ordered the Templars to stand down, letting him pass. 

He reached her side and she leapt into his arms, kissing him as deeply as she could. The nobles gasped in shock as she took his hand, fleeing out the door. Meredith met her glance, an ire rising in her eyes. Hawke knew this wasn't over, but today, she had won.

They raced out into the Courtyard, Meredith following, screaming at the Templars to stand down. As they snuck down into Lowtown, Anders stopped her, kissing her once again. She melted into his touch, holding him.

"I'm with you," she murmured, "From here on out. Always."

He said softly, "And I with you."

They grasped hands and ran. 

 

**Part Three**

Anders heard his son crying and he stopped reorganizing his notes. He climbed up the ladder into the loft, seeing a tired Hawke reach sleepily towards his cradle. 

"Stay still, love," Anders said, kissing her forehead, "I've got him."

He picked up the boy, coaxing him into his arms. He smiled, kissing his little cheeks. It had only been a few weeks, but Anders was already madly in love with his son. He sat on the edge of the loft, holding him as he looked out into the warehouse. It was not exactly the most ideal place to bring a child into the world, but it had been the most stable place since Hawke had fled with him. The regulars from Darktown now made their way to the Docks, knowing they would be safe here. Gamlen had been trying secretly to buy them a house in Lowtown with Hawke's money, but there was still too much attention on them. For a few more weeks at least, they would live here by the sea.

Hawke had stayed mainly in seclusion, but most nobility could not recognize the filthy man who had stolen away the young Serah Hawke. The story told around the city mainly damned Hawke for being a hypocrite, but among the common folk, it was a call to rise. Meredith had been terrified of making Hawke a martyr, but in her indecision, she had made her a hero. 

The baby cried slightly and Anders hummed to him, holding him close to his chest.

Hawke stirred sleepily, sitting down beside him, dressed only in his old worn shirt.

She took the child, holding him to her breast. As he latched on, Anders put his arm around them both, holding his little family to him. She rested her head on his shoulder and for a few moments, he was truly, truly happy.


End file.
